Resisting Envy

I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer lately…even more so than usual.  I have been struggling with the timing of this whole adoption process.  I mean, I knew going in that there could & would be delays along the way.  I always knew the possibility existed for this process to take several years.  I guess I just didn’t anticipate the type of delays we’ve experienced…like being lied to by our original agency, causing us to withdraw from them and start anew, or the country we were pursuing whole-heartedly closing before our dossier was complete.

I look at my life today & realize that had everything gone by the initial timeline, we would be expecting to travel any time now to pick up our children & bring them home forever.  It saddens me that we are nowhere close to that point.  I’ve had to fight off the temptation to be jealous of wonderful families I’ve gotten to know through this process, just because they’ve received their referrals and will travel in the coming months.  This is a joyous time for those families and it has been difficult for me to remain strong in Christ that my day too shall come.  I am clinging tight to Ecclesiastes 3:1 as I wait for the funding to come, allowing us to take the next steps toward bringing our children home: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven.”  Our time has not yet come…but it will.  We are seeing God open doors we previously thought were nailed shut.  Our journey has not been, nor will it likely ever be, what we had envisioned.  What a blessing!  We can not imagine the blessings we may be part of as a result of all the changes in direction our adoption path has taken…so instead of being envious of those whose journeys are bringing their children home in the coming months, I sing praises that God is answering their prayers, that He is fulfilling his promises to them and I continue to pray that my focus will remain on Him and His call on our family to adopt, rather than just my mother’s heart & desire to have what I want when I want it!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.  ~Proverbs 3:5-6

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