I feel like I’m singing that old Randy Travis song…and in my head I am (and I don’t even listen to country music).
On one hand: This week has been filled with abundant blessings for many of my “adoption friends.” Several of them have received Embassy clearances and/or gotten their children’s immigrant visas and will be traveling to bring their precious loves home in the coming days. Still others have had smaller victories, in the receiving of USCIS pre-approval (also known as I-171H…which we are still waiting for!) or making their first travel arrangements to meet their children and attend court. Some friends are not as far into the process as us, but have made significant steps in their individual journeys with completed home studies, submitted dossiers and the like. I am very truly filled with praise and thanksgiving that God has answered prayers for these families. I rejoice with them as I know they will with me when our moment comes.
On the other hand: It is PAINFUL. I’d be lying if I said it is easy to watch other families, some who began their adoption journeys long after us, preparing to bring their children home when we haven’t even met our children in person or been to court yet…nor do we have any idea right now when we might get those opportunities! I truly believe God’s timing is perfect. I can not even fathom what His plan is or why He is making us wait so long to complete our family. I ache for my little loves in Ghana as they sit in an orphanage that’s struggling to feed them. I cry out to God, begging Him to move mountains so that our paperwork will get processed when nobody else’s is. I try to live out Isaiah 1:17 as I defend the cause against my family who tells me this journey isn’t “worth it”.
Every night, just like tonight, I find myself lying in bed…hurting, yearning, sobbing…feeling downtrodden & without much hope. Thankfully, every morning I wake up with renewed hope. Hope for good news. Hope for encouragement. Hope for ANYTHING to get me through another day of waiting. So tonight, like so many nights, I focus on scripture to get me through until morning comes again.
Psalm 39:7 ~ But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.