The 4 Month Mark

This blog entry was written on April 30, 2012.  I had trouble getting it to post that day and then forgot about it until logging in today.  Oops!  Anyway, here’s my post from a month ago…

Here we are, four months after Liam and Cora became American citizens by stepping off that plane.  In some ways it seems impossible that they’ve been home for a third of a year already!  In most ways, however, it’s like they’ve always been here.  They are 2 pieces of our family puzzle that God hand-picked & set in their place.

The ability to see their perfect place in this family does not come without choice…and prayer.  I love our Ghana-born children just as much as the ones I birthed, but love alone does not make for a peaceful home.   Liam is very well attached to Sam, but he & I are still a work-in-progress with regards to attachment.  That was never more evident than this past week.  For four days, Sam was out of town on a deep-sea fishing trip with his dad and it was just me and the kids.  Overall the girls did well.  The big girls have learned that they can handle daddy traveling as long as they can skype with him.  Cora followed their lead, and though she asked everyday when Daddy would be home, she trusted that he would be here when I said he would and she was fine.  Then there’s our boy.  In Liam’s four months home, Sam hasn’t traveled more than 1 night, and there wasn’t an entire calendar day where the two men of this household were separated…so this four day fishing trip was a BIG first for Liam.  It went far beyond just missing Daddy.  His appetite diminished.  He slept very little.  He wet the bed.  He acted out.  His entire equilibrium was off-kilter.  Daddy is who Liam looks to for security…and I can’t blame him.  Daddy brought him home from Ghana.  Daddy stayed with him while I was by Cora’s bedside in the hospital.  Daddy is the only other boy in this house full of girls!    It’s no wonder WHY Liam admires his Daddy so…and it warms my heart beyond measure to see my two boys doing “guy stuff” together…but it makes Daddy’s absence that much more difficult.  I am happy to say that, thanks to the prayers of some wonderful friends, Liam did sleep Saturday night, all night…and he didn’t even wet the bed!  Huge progress over the first few nights.   He still hasn’t regained his full appetite, but I suppose that could take time.  He wasn’t happy that Daddy just got home last night & he had to go to work this morning, but I think he understands why Daddy has to go to work.  Hopefully tonight they’ll get a little one-on-one time.

I hope I don’t come across as complaining.  I’m not.  I’m just being honest.  I like to keep track of these experiences in order to look back upon them in the future.  They’re benchmarks for our progress as a family, I believe.  Adoption, especially older child adoption, is a miraculous blessing born of great sorrow & tragedy.  No child having gone through this process is unscathed.  I’m sure no two children behave in the same way, or have the same issues to overcome…but no matter what the circumstances, there is a loss that has been experienced…and in our case the losses are great: birth family, friends, language, culture, … , the list could go on & on.  Our youngest children have only been in this country for four months…the culture shock and over stimulation is EVERYWHERE.

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